For most of my life, I operated under a silent, exhausting pattern: I faced persistent rejection from people I deeply wanted close relationships with. Because I so desperately wanted to be present in their lives, I went out of my way to cater to them, perform, and people-please just to earn a seat at their table.
It never worked. They still didn’t want me around.
When you grow up internalizing rejection, you develop survival blueprints. You convince yourself that if you can just be useful enough, agreeable enough, or quiet enough, people won’t leave. But “Solid Food” maturity requires looking at your internal warehouse and recognising when a pattern is no longer serving your Kingdom calling- it is exposing an altar of Relational Idolatry.
1. The Agreement That Was Broken
A couple of years ago, after going through a painful relational breakdown that left me reeling in my mind, I sat down with one of my closest friends. I wanted to protect our connection from ending in the same traumatic, silent way.
I told her plainly:
“Listen, if anything ever happens between us and you feel the need to move on, I will not hold you back. I genuinely want the best for you, even if the best for you is my absence. All I ask is that you tell me. Let’s have an honest conversation and end this on a good note, because sudden cut-offs leave me in a bad place mentally. Just give us the opportunity to finish properly.”
She listened, supported me, and agreed.
Fast forward two years. Out of nowhere, she did the exact thing I had asked her not to do. I reached out on her birthday to wish her well. I was able to send the message, but shortly after- likely realising she had overlooked that line of communication- she quietly blocked me across her social media. There was no conversation, no explanation of a wrong done, and no closure.
Initially, the old childhood blueprint wanted to kick in: What did I do wrong? How did I fail?
2. The Shift: Nothing Bad Happened
Then came a profound, Holy Spirit-inspired shift in my mindset.
I had to come to the realization that she didn’t block me because something catastrophic happened or because a fight took place. She blocked me simply because she didn’t want the relationship anymore- and nothing adverse had to occur to justify her exit.
We live in a culture that assumes a relationship can only end if there is a massive blow-up, a betrayal, or a scandal. But the truth is, people sometimes just need to move on without you, and as mature believers, we have to be okay with that.
God Himself models this profound level of respect for human agency. Humanity rejects Him continuously. It breaks His heart, yet in His sovereignty, He allows us the freedom to walk away, explore what we want to explore, and experience our choices, while remaining an unshakeable mainstay if we ever choose to return.
If God does not force His presence on those who wish to leave, why do we fight so hard to force our presence on people who have silently chosen their exit?
3. Dismantling Relational Idolatry
This experience forced me to confront a deep root in my heart: Relational Idolatry.
When you suffer from relational idolatry, you place human beings on altars meant exclusively for God. You trust in the arm of flesh, treating specific people as your emotional mainstays, your validation, or your security. But Scripture warns us explicitly that the arm of flesh will fail (Jeremiah 17:5).
God will intentionally allow certain relationships to break- not to destroy you, but to dismantle the idols you built out of them. He is reminding you that people are meant to be loved and stewarded, but He alone is your Mainstay.
Does this mean if she ever came back, I would restore the friendship to what it was? Honestly, no. While I would be cordial, loving, and able to communicate up to a point, she would no longer occupy that “mainstay” position in my life. Moving people from the “Front Row” of your heart to the “Balcony” isn’t malice; it’s wisdom and boundary stewardship.
4. The Spirit of a Finisher: Finishing Well
Ecclesiastes 7:8 tells us that “The end of a thing is better than its beginning.”
It is easy to start a friendship with excitement, but it takes spiritual maturity to have the spirit of a finisher– to end things well.
To my friend who cut me off and blocked me without a word: I still love you, I truly appreciate you, and I thank you.
You helped me realize that our relationship ended in a space where nothing adverse happened. God allowed it to come to a close quietly, freeing me from the need for human closure and delivering me from the trap of needing to be wanted by everyone. We ended well because the season simply reached its ordained conclusion.
The Tactical Soul Audit: Idolatry & Closure Check
Take 10 minutes today to sit in your quiet space and answer these diagnostic questions:
- Where am I currently fighting to stay in a space or relationship where my presence is no longer desired?
- Have I turned a human connection into a “mainstay,” relying on their approval rather than God’s unshakeable acceptance?
- Can I give someone the grace to walk away without needing them to be a “villain” to justify the end of the season?
The Executive Proclamation
“Father, I repent for every instance where I placed a human relationship on the altar that belongs strictly to You. I lay down the need to perform, cater, or beg for space in rooms where I am not received. Thank You for being my ultimate Mainstay. I release every person who has moved on from my life- without bitterness, without retaliation, and without demand for explanation. I choose to finish well, keeping my heart soft, my boundaries clean, and my eyes fixed entirely on You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Take the Work Off the Airwaves
- Do the Deep Work: Grab your physical copy of Guided Journal: Vol 1 to process your soul audits, dismantle relational idolatry, and write out your internal boundaries. [Shop the Bookstore]
- Are You Ready for Solid Food? Visit www.sinceremilksolidfood.org to read our deep-dive articles, explore our study guides, and join the waitlist for The Believer’s Life Cycle book! [Join the Waitlist]